| Discovering Different Emotional Needs for Men & Women |
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 Men and women generally are unaware that they have different emotional needs. As a result they do not instinctively know how to support each other. Men typically give in relationships what men want, while women give what women want. Each mistakenly assumes that the other has the same needs and desires. As a result they both end up dissatisfied and resentful.
Both men and women feel they give and give but do not get back. They feel their love is unacknowledged and unappreciated. The truth is they are both giving love but not in the desired manner.
For example, a woman thinks she is being loving when she asks a lot of caring questions or expresses concern. As we have discussed before, this can be very annoying to a man. He may start to feel controlled and want space. She is confused, because if she were offered this kind of support she would be appreciative. Her efforts to be loving are at best ignored and at worst annoying.
Similarly, men think they are being loving, but the way they express their love may make a woman feel invalidated and unsupported. For example, when a woman gets upset, he thinks he is loving and supporting her by making comments that minimize the importance of her problems. He may say "Don't worry, It's not such a big deal." Or he may completely ignore her, assuming he is giving her a lot of "space" to cool off and go into her cave. What he thinks is support makes her feel minimized, unloved, and ignored.
When a woman is upset she needs to be heard and understood. Without this insight into different male and female needs, a male doesn't understand why his attempts to help fall.
Most of our complex emotional needs can be summarized as the need for love. Men and women each have six unique love needs that are all equally, important. Men primarily need trust. acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Women primarily, need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. The enormous task of figuring out what our partner needs is simplified greatly through understanding these twelve different kinds of love.
The Primary love Needs of Women and Men
Here are the different kinds of love listed side by side:
Women need to receive
1. Caring
2. Understanding
3. Respect
4. Devotion
5. Validation
6. Reassurance
Men need to receive
1. Trust
2. Acceptance
3. Appreciation
4. Admiration
5. Approval
6. Encouragement
Certainly every man and woman ultimately needs all twelve kinds of love. To acknowledge the six kinds of love primarily needed by women does not imply that men do not need these kinds of love. Men also need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.
What Is meant by primary need is that fulfilling a primary need is required before one is able fully to receive and appreciate the other kinds of love.
Understanding the primary kinds of love that your partner needs is a powerful secret for improving relationships on Earth.
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Author: John Gray
From John Gray's Bestseller "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
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Posted on Tuesday, August 14 @ 14:32:55 MDT by admin |
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